Pay, Prestige, and Power

I truly enjoyed my first semester of college. There was such a freedom to being dropped off to live away from my home for the first time. I was free to determine my schedule, which courses to take, which friends to hang out, and what rules to live by. My small cinderblock room in the dorms was slightly claustrophobic, but I didn't feel confined to it. I had many opportunities to explore the campus, hike the mountains, try out new restaurants, and visit other people's places to hang out. Of course, I met my wife Stephanie right off the bat and enjoyed any chance to spend time with her as I went about exploring. We would find excuses to meet up. I'm very glad we did.

This time of life also offered me a lot of time to think. I didn't have any other way around, so I walked a great deal. I walked to my classes on campus, to the grocery store, to explore the town, you name it. I volunteered at an elementary school 3 miles away to help out a math class. I should have bought a bike or a bus pass but... I just walked. During these walks I thought a lot. I thought about who I was and many of the experiences that I had had. I thought about the advice I had received from my parents and others. I thought a lot about what I wanted. I wanted cool cars like my uncle and some of my peers had. I wanted a nice snowboard, headphones, to build my own computer, all of that stuff. I thought about how to keep myself entertained and "happy". I thought about food, art, music, and relationships. I worried about how my choices would affect my future, about whether I had the power to determine my future career and whether I had enough information to make a good decision about what that career would be! I dreamt of some ideal future where I made lots of money, was respected by everyone, and got to do anything I wanted.

There are numerous opportunities to pause and reflect on what matters most. My freshman year was a poignant example in my life, but I remember others too. The memorable times of reflection are often driven by changes in life and every time we evaluate what matters most there are different circumstances that affect our perspective. Ultimately, the things that matter most are a personal concern and they change over time. It is good to take time to consider what matters. It is helpful to find peaceful moments where silence and distance from distractions like technology allow us to consider life and our desires.

Even now I struggle to devote good time to reflect on my most important desires. It is easy to be caught up in my career aspirations and the feedback loops of increased pay, fancy titles, and leadership opportunities. Each of these things can contribute to more enjoyable work, and a career is a large part of my life, but it is not everything. I enjoy the improvements as they come, but my top list of desires has begun to stabilize. I am fortunate to have a beautiful, loving family that I want to spend eternity with. I feel strongly about my Christian faith and want satisfaction through living a Gospel-centered life. Good health is temporary, but I get great satisfaction through exercise and nature. These things should be my focus, but I often lose site and prioritize other more immediate concerns. Writing about this helps me reflect and reminds me to pause, ponder, and proceed with intention.